Whether I speak of someone I know, someone I’ve read about, heard about, or seen about, the mirror returns regardless; and it returns because emotionally, all hearts are one. Therefore, whatever I give to others, I give to myself. Because of these physics, I become ill at ease as soon as I make another feel ill at ease. And since ill at ease is dis-ease, dis-ease becomes disease.

My body is a tool to help me recognize my emotional choices. To demonstrate how this works, I share the following experience.

Several years ago, I had twinges in my back. In my effort to heal that pain, I went to a chiropractor. His solution worked temporarily, but the twinges continued. Then I took up yoga. Yoga made my body stronger and improved my muscle tone, but the twinges continued. At this point, I decided to see if the mirror theory could help me.

The first question I asked myself was: what does my back represent to my body? Well, it represents the physical support allowing me to walk and function as an upright human being. From there, I went to the concept that if my back was not supporting me in the way it was supposed to, maybe I wasn’t supporting others in the way I should be. Several questions popped up as I tried to answer this question:

• Am I the friend to others that I want others to be to me?

• Do I nag instead of praise?

• Am I appreciative of the people around me?

• Am I critical and condescending?

• Am I helpful to co-workers, or do I blame them for all the mistakes that happen?

It didn’t take long to realize that I was not supportive; I was nagging under the pretext of constructive criticism. To stay consciously aware of the action I needed to take instead, I put post-its around the house reminding me to help my friends, encourage my children, and compliment my co-workers. Believe it or not, two weeks later, the twinges were gone.

How could my attitude make such a difference? Even today, I’m not sure that I understand the mechanics of this transformation; I only know it happened. Why didn’t I try it sooner? Because I got distracted by the acting out of others. Finding the answer wasn’t difficult; it took honesty, however, and the willingness to look at what I was doing instead of what others were doing. I had to remember that when I looked in a mirror, the person I saw was me. Not the people I’m related to, not my friends, not co-workers…. me.

As I have gone on and used this theory more, I’ve learned that thought alone does not create, whether that thought is positive or negative. On the other hand, if I give that thought away, or intentionally impose it upon another, it does create. This may seem like a small distinction but, in the reality of emotion, it is huge. For instance, if I hold a boomerang in my hand for a long time, it gets heavy (negative thought usually does) and feels uncomfortable (negative thought always does), but other than that, I don’t create discomfort. On the other hand, if I throw that boomerang out into space, it whips back with horrendous force to the energy it sprang from.

As I live this process, I try not to judge myself; everyone has dark moments once in a while. And since I know that action behind my thought is the key to emotional stability, I initiate the following routine to get the negative out of my mind and out of my body in a healthy way.

When someone hurts my feelings or makes me angry (pretty much the same thing), I wait until I am alone, and then I kick a pillow, pretending the pillow is the person who hurt my feelings. Kicking is often accompanied by a lot of screaming, yelling, and cursing. Not a pretty picture, but after my solitary tantrum, I’m able to look at these emotions and understand what they are. Once I know what they are, I can remember when I gave them to someone else. Until they’re out, however, they’re too overwhelming to view objectively. When I can’t view them objectively, I view them subjectively. When I view them subjectively, I make other people the source of the problem. When I make others the source of the problem, I want them to change.

More importantly, until I am objective, I don’t have any power over the situation. Power comes from realizing that I am the source of the problem since I gave that problem to someone else. As soon as I understand that, I can take a different action to get what I prefer.

About the author

Betsy Otter Thompson worked as an Account Executive at radio stations and as an Executive Assistant to the President of Warner Bros. Betsy lives in the USA and is the author of six books, including Walking Through Illusion.

© Copyright Betsy Otter Thompson, www.betsythompson.com