Martyrdom and the ego - by Asha Hawkesworth

Martyrdom and the ego by Asha Hawkesworth
Last week, a jury acquitted Carl and Raylene Worthington of most of the charges in the death of their child, Ava, whom they attempted to treat with faith healing, in spite of the fact that she was clearly getting sicker. Carl Worthington was convicted only of criminal mistreatment. It's easy to second-guess the jury's decision, and the public regrets of at least one of the jurors will continue to fan the flames for awhile, but one thing is certain: the Worthingtons and the members of their church are not likely to discontinue their practice of shunning medical care for their children. There are 22 graves in their churchyard, all children, and it's only a matter of time before there's a twenty-third. As The Oregonian pointed out this weekend in its coverage, members of the Followers of Christ church are more likely to consider themselves martyrs to their beliefs than to experience a change of heart. In other words, perceived public persecution will cause them to entrench and become more determined to avoid doctors. Why? Because in their world, avoiding doctors is what makes them "right." More than that: avoiding doctors makes them holy. It makes them the chosen ones. Unfortunately, every religion has adherents who believe that they—and they alone—are beloved of God. This is ego. The ego needs to feel "better than" or more "right" than others. When combined with religious fervor, the ego projects this need onto God, who then becomes a reflection of the ego. This is how the ego attempts to validate itself. It then says, "God is on my side because I have all of the right beliefs. You do not believe correctly, so you are condemned." And then the ego has no problem at all with carrying out the condemnation that it believes comes from God. Sometimes the ego condemns with words. Sometimes it condemns with laws. Sometimes it condemns with guns. Being right is a very slippery slope. Martyrs are made when the ego cannot accept any other viewpoint but its own. It must be right at all costs, or risk being completely invalidated. For the Followers of Christ, they cannot back down from their belief in faith healing because if they do, they will have to examine all of their beliefs, and they might find that they are not, in fact, more holy or more right than any one else. If they don't feel special, what will they have left? Martyrdom is a self-esteem issue. True martyrs are trying to make up for their own self-hatred. They need agreement or recognition from other people. They need to feel that God loves them better than others, which gives them the chance to feel like better people than the ones that God doesn't love. It's all just smoke and mirrors to assuage an ego that needs healing. Our own sense of worth must come from within ourselves, not from external validation. Martin Luther King, Jr. may sometimes be called a martyr, simply for dying while living his truth, but he was not a man who needed external validation for his beliefs. There is a difference between calling someone a martyr and acting like one. The truth is, God does not love according to a ranking system. Love, by definition, is unconditional and equally applied. All of God's creations are adored and beloved, and if we think otherwise, we are judging and we do not understand the love that God truly feels for us. What we do, believe, or think does not change our relationship with the divine. Its love is unchanging and eternal. We can be Christians, Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists, Taoists, agnostics, atheists, or anything at all, and it still won't change what is and who we are. How many more of its children will the Followers of Christ sacrifice to their egos? Truly, the need to be right is powerful and blinding: it can cause parents to suffer the death of their own children. It can cause people to strap bombs to their bodies and walk into a crowd. It can cause people to walk into a place filled with strangers and open fire. It can cause wars between nations. Do we really need to be right? Does God need you to be right? Or does God need you to be loving? Every day, we have a choice. We can choose to be right. We can be angry when someone doesn't recognize that we are right. We can keep looking for external validation and never feel fulfilled, worthy, or happy. Or we can choose to drop the banner of righteousness and view people and situations differently. We can take a more loving approach. We can judge less. Dr. Wayne Dyer said, "When you have a choice between being right and being kind, just choose kind." Which world would you prefer: one in which people are right, or one in which they are kind? Related articles: Letting go of violence Who is right? Limiting God: Where faith healing goes wrong The end never justifies the means Originally published 7/27/2009

Martyrdom and the ego
by Asha Hawkesworth

Mayan calendar

Last week, a jury acquitted Carl and Raylene Worthington of most of the charges in the death of their child, Ava, whom they attempted to treat with faith healing, in spite of the fact that she was clearly getting sicker. Carl Worthington was convicted only of criminal mistreatment. It's easy to second-guess the jury's decision, and the public regrets of at least one of the jurors will continue to fan the flames for awhile, but one thing is certain: the Worthingtons and the members of their church are not likely to discontinue their practice of shunning medical care for their children. There are 22 graves in their churchyard, all children, and it's only a matter of time before there's a twenty-third.

As The Oregonian pointed out this weekend in its coverage, members of the Followers of Christ church are more likely to consider themselves martyrs to their beliefs than to experience a change of heart. In other words, perceived public persecution will cause them to entrench and become more determined to avoid doctors. Why? Because in their world, avoiding doctors is what makes them "right." More than that: avoiding doctors makes them holy. It makes them the chosen ones.

Unfortunately, every religion has adherents who believe that they—and they alone—are beloved of God. This is ego. The ego needs to feel "better than" or more "right" than others. When combined with religious fervor, the ego projects this need onto God, who then becomes a reflection of the ego. This is how the ego attempts to validate itself. It then says, "God is on my side because I have all of the right beliefs. You do not believe correctly, so you are condemned." And then the ego has no problem at all with carrying out the condemnation that it believes comes from God. Sometimes the ego condemns with words. Sometimes it condemns with laws. Sometimes it condemns with guns.

Being right is a very slippery slope. Martyrs are made when the ego cannot accept any other viewpoint but its own. It must be right at all costs, or risk being completely invalidated. For the Followers of Christ, they cannot back down from their belief in faith healing because if they do, they will have to examine all of their beliefs, and they might find that they are not, in fact, more holy or more right than any one else. If they don't feel special, what will they have left? Martyrdom is a self-esteem issue.

True martyrs are trying to make up for their own self-hatred. They need agreement or recognition from other people. They need to feel that God loves them better than others, which gives them the chance to feel like better people than the ones that God doesn't love. It's all just smoke and mirrors to assuage an ego that needs healing. Our own sense of worth must come from within ourselves, not from external validation. Martin Luther King, Jr. may sometimes be called a martyr, simply for dying while living his truth, but he was not a man who needed external validation for his beliefs. There is a difference between calling someone a martyr and acting like one.

The truth is, God does not love according to a ranking system. Love, by definition, is unconditional and equally applied. All of God's creations are adored and beloved, and if we think otherwise, we are judging and we do not understand the love that God truly feels for us.

What we do, believe, or think does not change our relationship with the divine. Its love is unchanging and eternal. We can be Christians, Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists, Taoists, agnostics, atheists, or anything at all, and it still won't change what is and who we are.

How many more of its children will the Followers of Christ sacrifice to their egos? Truly, the need to be right is powerful and blinding: it can cause parents to suffer the death of their own children. It can cause people to strap bombs to their bodies and walk into a crowd. It can cause people to walk into a place filled with strangers and open fire. It can cause wars between nations.

Do we really need to be right? Does God need you to be right? Or does God need you to be loving? Every day, we have a choice. We can choose to be right. We can be angry when someone doesn't recognize that we are right. We can keep looking for external validation and never feel fulfilled, worthy, or happy. Or we can choose to drop the banner of righteousness and view people and situations differently. We can take a more loving approach. We can judge less.

Dr. Wayne Dyer said, "When you have a choice between being right and being kind, just choose kind." Which world would you prefer: one in which people are right, or one in which they are kind?

Related articles:

Originally published 7/27/2009