In our darkest moments, in our deepest depression, in the heart of most human misery is the feeling that we are utterly, entirely alone. This horrible, consuming feeling is probably the worst pain that we can feel as human beings. We feel unseen, unheard, misunderstood, without anchor, without any kind of connection at all, and it is devastating. We lose hope. It is in such moments that people contemplate suicide.

The interesting thing about loneliness is that we can experience it even when we're completely surrounded by people. We may even be surrounded by people whom we love and who love us. And yet, sometimes we feel disconnected, unreachable. We see our loved ones. We hear them. But it's as if they are very far away, and we can't return to them. We're trapped in our own heads, with our own miserable thoughts and feelings. Of course, what I'm describing is depression, but this feeling of alone-ness happens to us all at some point in our lives, and it is worth examining.

What is loneliness? Why do we experience it? And what can we do about it?

We come into this world, rather miraculously, pre-wired to believe that we are all separate. And yet, most infants do not feel separate at first. They see their parents, particularly their birth mother or primary caregiver, as part of themselves. They do not conceive of themselves as an individual. But over time, infants become toddlers and they start to see themselves as separate. They start to test the limits of that separateness. And by the time they are teenagers, they want to be more separate, as they prepare to navigate the world without the aid of their parents. This is normal and healthy. It is part of growing up.

As teenagers and adults, we explore our individuality and the freedom of making our own choices; and yet, we yearn for increased connection. We don't want to be alone. So, paradoxically, we seek out Oneness, often unconsciously. Romantic partnerships are one way of finding this Oneness, this connection. Even in really good relationships, however, we can find ourselves feeling lonely from time to time. And sometimes a poor relationship isn't much better than no relationship at all.

If a good relationship and a loving family cannot completely stave off occasional feelings of loneliness, then what can? To fill this void, many people turn to spirituality—they want to experience God, because there can be no loneliness if one knows God. Where this gets complicated, however, is when we think of God as a separate being, external from ourselves. God is "out there" somewhere, thinking about us in the way that our father might, as he switches cable channels on a weekday evening, seeking amusement. This view of the divine doesn't really help with our feelings of loneliness. Sure, we can pick up the phone and have a conversation with this person, but when we hang up, we're still lonely. We're still by ourselves when the phone call ends.

The real healing of loneliness is not something that you can learn in a workshop. It's not something you can teach, either. It's just something you have to experience. Because to understand that, fundamentally, you are never alone, you must understand that God, the Divine, is not outside of you. It is inside. It IS you. And, it is everything you see, without exception.

We have a hard time with this concept because we have learned so well to regard ourselves as unworthy, imperfect, undeserving, powerless, and on and on. And with all of these negative images of ourselves, how can we possibly be a part of God? But, how can we not be if God is all there is?

Not everyone will agree with this, of course. Skeptics who have not experienced this for themselves cannot be convinced. Some people may believe and have faith that this is true, but they have not had the experience, and they still feel the doubt and loneliness. And of course, some people will experience it and learn that they are never alone—even though they may still feel that way occasionally. In our modern world, it's difficult to function in an awareness of our own Oneness and divinity 24/7. But if we've experienced it, then we know the great secret:  I am not separate from God.

The following meditation is given to assist you in having this experience for yourself, by creating the space and opportunity for it. It is not a cure for depression or anything else, however. It is simply a spiritual tool to help you on your journey. If you are suffering from depression, please get help from a medical professional.

No two meditations are the same, and you may find that you can do this meditation multiple times with a different message or result each time. In general, it's best to be open to anything and not have any expectations when you meditate; having expectations makes it harder to be open to what the Divine wants you to hear. If you try this and nothing happens, just try again another day.

Meditation

Find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed and make yourself comfortable. Affirm your intention:  "I want to experience my oneness with God." Be open. No two experiences are alike, and you will have the experience that is right for you, whatever that may look like.

Breathe in and out very slowly seven times.

Focus awareness on your heart. Visualize it opening: open the doors wide, wider, and wider still. See your heart expand.

Next, focus awareness on the crown of your head. Visualize it opening and expanding in the same way.

Visualize an energetic connection between your heart and your crown. Consciously connect these two areas. Watch the energy move back and forth as you breathe.

Gradually see this energy extend in both directions away from your heart and your crown. It will look like a tube of energy: one end will go deep into the earth, while the other extends into the sky.

Now visualize your entire auric field expanding outward. This is your personal field of energy, which surrounds your entire body. See it grow larger and larger, expanding outward into the world as far as you can visualize it going. It can even extend beyond the earth.

Sit in this expanded state and receive any messages that may come.

And oh I love the life within me
I feel part of everything I see
And oh I love the life around me
A part of everything is here in me
—From "Summer," by John Denver

Related articles and resources:

• We are One: All of our past lives
• We are One: The world is a relfection of you
• Understanding depression: signs, symptoms, causes, and help
• The seven stages of our spiritual journey home, by Lynne Forrest
• Healing your inner child
• Opening the heart
• What is God?
• When God is a toxic parent